Are we supposed to know intuitively what our partner is feeling, wanting, thinking? Or are we supposed to tell each other explicitly? Yes, and yes. I’ve recently had interesting conversations with couples about the value of explicit communication versus “tuning in” to each … [Read more...]
Different Coping Styles
I was a newly minted psychiatrist in 1989, when the largest earthquake since 1906 struck the Bay Area. The couples I was seeing were having trouble staying connected, and helping each other through the crisis. As I listened it seemed that some of their difficulty had to do with … [Read more...]
Repair After Injury
We are not able to dance closely without sometimes stepping on each other’s toes, trampling or loosing track of each other. And attachment research tells us that secure attachments happen in relationships where there is connection, then disruption of connection, followed by … [Read more...]
The Power of an Inspiring Vision
Each of us holds inside of us a heartfelt longing for an ideal relationship with a life partner. It is one of our most precious dreams. Sometimes we know what it is; sometimes we have even talked openly about it to each other. Often it lives inside of us only partially guessed … [Read more...]